Pain
by nerd girl of awesome
Summary: Post Ootp, Hermione feels abandoned and doesn't know who to turn to. The pain is to much for her to handle. Will someone notice before it is to late?
1. Chapter 1

Pain was all she felt

I knew her once, now not so much

Her death was like falling asleep slow at first then suddenly there was nothing

No one noticed her death

They still don't

They think she is still there but she hasn't been around for a long time

She sits and waits for people to notice but they refuse

Looking at her you wouldn't notice that how dead on the inside she was

She liked it better that way, less stress, less hurt, less reasons to punish herself

No one noticed when she skipped a meal or two

They didn't see the red marks from her pushing her pencil just a bit too hard as she drags it across her arm

They didn't want to see so they didn't

It hurt at first,

She wanted people to see that something wasn't right

But no one did

After feeling that deep aching pain she decided it wasn't worth it

So she simply stopped

The thing was, no one noticed that either

No one seemed to care

Nothing has changed

She is just drifting,

floating through life ignoring all that should have her focus

She no longer eats more than a sandwich a day but if she does eat more she becomes extremely nauseous

She doesn't try in her classes but her teachers don't seem to notice or care

In the end all she could think was "why? Why keep living? Why go through all of this pain?"

in the end she got her answer

"No one cares, your time has come"

And with that she plucked up the courage and pulled the razor blade across her arm

Loving the feel of the pain and the sight of her own blood

That was the last thing she saw,

her own blood cascading down her arm to form a pool beneath her body

She knew that it was finally over

All of the pain and hurt,

the sadness and despair

The hunger that seemed unending

It was finally over

No need for pain and punishments

No fear of others hurting her

No more questions about why she kept her head down when walking

No more questions about why she seems to always be wearing black or always in a jacket

No more social interactions

Just no more

The idea that it was all over should have made her mad, scared even

But that wasn't the case

She felt surprisingly happy

That feeling is something that she hasn't felt in a very long time

No one will remember her when she is gone

No one cared when she was here so why should they

No one understands how much their words actually affect others

Because of that she is gone

Because of that she has lost her will to live

Because of that she killed herself

No one was there to catch her when she started to fall

No one was there to support her

Everyone expected her to help them but when the time came they always left her on her own

They always seemed to busy to help her

She didn't mind people have always let her down

So why should this time be any different?

She once was smart, kind, pretty even

She never thought that she was good enough

Never thought she was pretty

Never thought she was nice enough

Sure she helped one specific teacher all the time but plenty or people did that

What made her special?

NOTHING

No one cared about her and no one ever will

How could they?

She was damaged goods

How could someone ever love someone like her?


	2. Chapter 2

She started slipping again  
Pain blossoming from the cuts in her flesh  
Blood blooming to the top of them,  
She smiles  
The pain is back  
She can finally feel again  
The freedom in those simple cuts  
The aching in her chest  
The need to hide everything she is  
No one cares  
Why should they?  
She hides  
No one knows the real her  
She won't let them in  
People have hurt her in the past, why trust them now?  
Why give them the chance to hurt her?  
So she hides  
She hides from what could have been because of what has been  
The need to be alone is overwhelming  
But no one understands  
They always crowd around her  
They don't understand  
That can't and they never could  
The pain she feels every day  
The uncontrollable doubt  
The feeling that it all needs to end  
The fear of what will happen,  
What will happen if she ends her life?  
Will anyone care?  
Will anyone grieve for her?  
What will they say?  
"I'm glad she is finally gone" she expects most people to say that  
Will anyone miss her when she is gone?  
NO  
Why would they?  
What has she done to make them grieve her?  
Does she deserve their pain?  
Is she worth their tears, their sorrow?  
Why not end it before someone else gets hurt  
Before she gets hurt again  
She pulls the razor blade up the inside of her leg  
Loving the feeling of the pain  
Loving the sight of her own blood  
She wants more pain but she fears is  
The pain brings calm,  
The pain brings freedom  
But the pain also brings fear,  
Fear of what comes after life  
What will happen when she dies?  
Does she have a soul  
If so will it go anywhere?  
Is there a place that will ever accept her for who she is?  
Are the Christians right?  
The Jews?  
The Wicca?  
Is there anything else out there?  
When you die is that is?  
Does your body go into the ground and nothing more?  
Does the pain continue?  
Does it end?  
Another slice, this time on the other leg  
The pain and numbness settling in  
She gasps for air that doesn't to want to come  
She can feel her life force slowly slipping from her  
Her hands shaking she takes the razor blade in her left hand  
Places it at the inside of her right are near her armpit and pushes down and pulls it to the top of her wrist  
These cuts are those of someone desperate for death,  
They aren't the small but deep cuts of someone wanting an escape,  
There will be no recovery from these,  
She looks down at the white flowing dress she wore for the occasion,  
You could hardly yell that it was at one point white  
It was blood soaked  
She picks up the razor blade not realizing she had dropped it  
"One last cut"  
One more and she would be as dead s she felt  
She willed herself to lift the hand that held the razor but couldn't,  
Why?  
She wanted death  
Needed it even  
She needed the oblivion  
The darkness  
The escape from this eternal pain and hunger,

Would she ever have her peace?

Was it even possible anymore?

And that scared her

The realization that with one more cut it would all be over hit her like a ton of bricks,

She decided that it was time for her to do something for herself for a change

She forced her right hand to move up to her left arm

With a shaky hand she begun the last cut she would ever make

Crisscrossing over old scars she makes her way down thinking of all of the things that have happened to her

She finally lets herself cry

The razor has reached her wrist and she cries out in relief

Her suffering is over

The hunger is gone

The pain is gone

There is nothing

Death is bliss

Death is floating

No more pain

No more punishment

No anything

Everything that once caused her pain is gone

Death is easy

Death is not the coward's way out

It takes courage to grab the razorblade and pull it across your skin to the point where you feel nothing at all

Death is worth it

Life isn't

Life causes so much pain

You don't see someone suffering because they die

Death cleanses

Death purifies

Death frees

Death relaxes

Death calms

So why is it that people fear death?

There is nothing left to fear

The only thing left is oblivion

Oblivion should be welcomed,

Oblivion is the final peace

She now lays in peace

Even if it is spread eagle and blood soaked on the floor,

She finally has the peace she was searching for


End file.
